Overpriced with a side of underwhelming (Italy 2025 part 13)

I started working on this post on Sunday, but gave up because it was getting a bit too negative. We're up to the second-to-last day of my vacation, and unfortunately, it ended up being my least favorite day. It was just one frustrating thing after another, all day long. So this should be a fairly short post, focusing on the pretty pictures and editing out most of the negatives. 


We're starting off at Monza station again. Well, I started at Porta Garibaldi like always, but after having a rather frustrating and stressful time getting tickets, the pictures will start with the TiLo train from Monza. TiLo is a joint venture of Trenord and the Swiss railway system, running regional trains between Milan and southern Switzerland. The trains are all Swiss now (they used to have some Italian rolling stock, but not any longer), and this one was absolutely packed all the way until Como, running standing room only. It was somewhere around this point that I realized I had left my passport in the hotel safe -- not a problem in theory, since Italy and Switzerland are both in the Schengen zone, but it made me a bit uncomfortable, especially since there are customs checks entering and leaving Switzerland. In the end it wasn't a problem (on the way in, there were customs officials going through the train, but as far as I could tell they weren't asking anyone for passports; on the way back, we just went straight across the border without seeing anyone), but that little bit of anxiety clouded the day for sure. 

I'm always disappointed by pictures taken through modern tinted train windows, but here's a view of Lugano Lake on the way in to the city. 
 


I came to Lugano to ride a funicular, but not this one, which goes from the train station down partway into the city center. The exposed gears at the top station are cool, but I decided I wanted to go for a walk along the tracks instead, figuring I could ride it back up later in the day if I had the time (that didn't end up working out). 

Lugano has three funiculars. I had no intention of riding all three, which is why I didn't care too much about taking the not-so-interesting one at the train station. The other one I didn't ride goes up this mountain on the south end of the city. 

The one I was heading for goes up this hill instead, on the north end of Lugano. 




The lower section is not particularly interesting, though you do get some pretty nice views already. 





The upper section is what I came here for, specifically the funicular cars themselves. This line had been shut down for a few months over the winter while they replaced the cars, and had just reopened with brand-new cars the day before I came. (I didn't head up here on day 1 just in case things weren't going smoothly and/or the place was packed -- it is Switzerland, but you never know.) It's not every day you get to ride a brand-new funicular! Honestly, if it wasn't for that, I probably would have skipped Lugano entirely, but this was something I couldn't pass up. (Even if maybe I should have.) 

There was also some background music playing in the train -- I wonder if there's a generic aftermarket car stereo hiding somewhere in the controls, like in Arosa! 


The upper section is where the views are really impressive, though it wasn't a particularly clear day so it wasn't what it could have been. 




Not the greatest picture, but the light fixtures were installed level, which shows just how steep this tunnel is. 

There was a lot of stuff at the top station celebrating the new updates.

Unfortunately, the top of Monte Bre was getting into the clouds, so there wasn't anywhere near the view I was hoping for. 

There are a couple restaurants up at the top, which I'm sure have an amazing view (at least when the weather is a little better), but which I'm sure I couldn't afford to eat at! 



But I'm just here for the funicular itself (not that I was particularly happy about spending nearly $40 for that -- it was about the same price I paid for the Arosa cable car, but nowhere near as much fun). It's neat how you can walk right up to the track at the upper station! 


There wasn't that much to see or do, so I decided to head back to the station to get on the same train back down about 10 minutes later. Most people seemed to be doing the same thing. There were all sorts of history posters in the station building, including some good pictures of the old funicular cars. 

I rode in the back on the way down so I could check out the panoramic glass roof, the big upgrade of these new trains. It's pretty cool, and I imagine will be very useful during the busy season when the funicular probably gets pretty crowded. 


 On the way down, someone actually requested one of the intermediate stops, which is pretty unusual (it's a bit unusual for a funicular to have multiple intermediate stops in the first place!). But then they didn't actually get off the train... I think they were just messing with the buttons and not understanding what they do. It's interesting how the doors are actually parallelogram-shaped and slide at an angle, instead of just being normal rectangular doors like most funiculars I've ridden.

When the funicular isn't running, there's a replacement bus service to at least some of the stops. Imagine driving (or even riding) a bus on roads like this! I'm sure it's just a van/minibus, but still. 

And I almost forgot the very cute dog who was on the funicular with me! 


Then it was time for funicular #1 again, followed by a bus back to the train station. Even the buses here have fancy signs showing the next several stops! Most places I've been in Italy (and the US, and Canada) can barely keep standard next stop systems working. 


After dealing with the frustrating Swiss ticket machines (why do they spit out tickets that don't fit in the validators??), it was time to hop on the train to Locarno. I thought I was going to be riding another funicular there, plus a cable car and chair lift to go further up the mountain... but apparently they were closed for a few months for maintenance work. So I was 1 for 3 for scenic funiculars on this trip (and the one I did ride didn't impress me all that much)... I like funiculars, but they don't seem to like me back. (If I had gone home a few days earlier, I would have been 0 for 3!)


These train windows still suck, but it is pretty scenic along the way to Locarno, at least once you get past the long tunnel just north of Lugano. I need to check out more of the Alps before too many more of the base tunnels are built, diverting most trains away from the scenic routes. 


With the funicular out of service, it was time to head straight to my next train. Admittedly, I wasn't too annoyed because I wouldn't have had enough time to do both -- it was around 45 minutes till the train I wanted to catch, and if I had caught a later train, most of the trip would have been in the dark. This is the Centovalli Railway, a short narrow-gauge line that connects Locarno to Domodossola across the border. Originally, it had a street-running section in Locarno similar to sections of the RhB network, but in the 80s this underground station was built to replace that. 

It's not the nicest place to spend most of an hour, but I was too worn out at this point to want to go for a walk (despite how pretty Locarno is), and I spent a lot of that time fighting with the ticket machine anyway. No matter what I did, I couldn't convince it to sell me a 20-euro one-way ticket (it insisted the one-way tickets were nearly $50 despite what the website said, and the website refused to work at all), so I had to buy a 30-CHF (around $35) round trip ticket instead. But I'm trying not to get too far into negativity here. In the end, it was still cheaper than the Monte Bre Funicular, and I enjoyed it more. 


By the way, the agency that runs the trains on the Swiss side of the border (along with the local buses in the Locarno area) is called FART. Yes, seriously. 

The station seems to also serve as a storage area for FART trains, and off in the back were a few vintage trams. I wonder when they get used! 



My train for the day was something a bit more modern: one of the SSIF's (the Italian agency) funny panoramic trains. These feel like a real-life version of the "toblerone train" meme! By the way, I always thought that meme was a photoshop of a Swiss train, based on the red color and, well, Toblerone, but apparently it's actually a Japanese train. 


I was still a bit confused about whether this was actually my train, though. It said Domodossola on the side, but there was another train parked ahead of it on the track even though this was the next one scheduled to leave, and there didn't seem to be any other passengers around. The mainline Swiss railways and even the RhB are really good about providing passenger information, but the FART station has absolutely nothing to tell you what track your train is going to be on -- not great! 


On the plus side, these trains have a trick up their sleeve. While the windows don't open like on the RhB, each end of the train has a single seat right next to the driver, looking out the windshield. Unfortunately, on this trip the forward-facing one was in the first class (and since I had already lost an argument with the ticket machine, I didn't feel like trying to convince it to sell me a first-class ticket for the correct price), but the one at the back of the train was wide open. And since the driver was at the other end of the train, I didn't have to worry about them closing the curtains and blocking my view like that RhB driver did! 


Anyway, once we got going, I was quite impressed with the views. These trains aren't the best for photography, since the windows don't open, but these windshield seats are seriously amazing for sightseeing. And since it was getting towards the end of the trip and I was totally worn out, I probably wouldn't have had the energy to hang out of the windows like I did on the first couple days. 



It's not quite as impressive as the snowy landscapes from the start of this vacation, but it's still quite pretty. 

Phew, I made it back to Italy. The little orange hut on the other side of the bridge is the Swiss customs building, while Italian customs probably operates out of the station building here. We just went straight past both, so obviously neither side was interested in doing border checks.



 Even if I wasn't obsessing over the border crossing, I would have known I was back in Italy based on that falling-apart bridge! It's not good to see that much rebar exposed and rusting... 



At least the railroad bridges seem to be in better shape. 







And the sun starts to set on another day as we head down towards Domodossola. 



Unfortunately, the last little bit of track is closed for a bridge replacement, so we had to switch to a replacement bus (again). The website made this sound complicated, with mandatory seat reservations on the train (which the ticket machine in Switzerland didn't give me) and warnings that the bus would be full, so I was thinking it was going to be another little minibus -- nope, it was a full-sized coach bus, which was nowhere near being full. 



And it's finally time to catch the last train back to Milan. Finally, a cheap Trenitalia train! I had two options -- take the express train towards Centrale and switch to a different train to Garibaldi (and get in a bit earlier), or take the local train direct to the underground part of Garibaldi. Obviously, I picked option 1 -- I can't resist two trains for the price (and time commitment) of one! It ended up being another TSR heading to Pioltello, this time with working onboard audio announcements (in Italian, English, and French... a bit strange).

Hey, that doesn't look like the underground part of Garibaldi, that's one of the surface terminal platforms! Yep, even this easy last bit of the day didn't go according to plan. We ended up sitting at one of the stops along the way for quite some time (at least 20 minutes), with the conductor making announcements (in Italian -- I'm quite proud I was able to understand what he was saying!) that there were signal problems in the Passante, and eventually that we would be diverted to the Garibaldi surface platforms. During all this, one of the other passengers came up to me to ask how to get somewhere from Garibaldi -- again, I was excited that I was able to understand him, but I had no clue, plus I can't actually speak Italian because while I understand the vocabulary, the grammar is way beyond me. 

Anyway, that's it for another crazy day of travel. Seems like there's always at least one day of frustration and disappointment on any major trip, and this was that day for me. Unlucky part 13, I suppose! I hope I edited out enough of the whining, and just know that the remaining posts from this series (I think there will be 3 more) will be a bit happier. 

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